(MOUNT AIRY LODGE, PA) — Former NBA player and full-time ass melter, Kiki Vandeweghe, released his much hyped and highly anticipated musical debut Tuesday, “I Won’t Play Any D Baby”, immediately becoming the highest selling jazz-flute album ever.
The 78-minute sex romp sees Vandeweghe explore the seediest, darkest alleys of the NBA player and GM life, virtually seducing the listener with an orgy of flute solos over tribal beats. Critics are already hailing the album as a “landmark fusion of music and sex” and “America’s answer to Bangkok”.
Indeed, Kiki has pushed the envelope here, with sales of the record already being banned in virtually every music store in the U.S. as well as iTunes. Sources say there is even word of the “full” album cover circulating on the black market, featuring the bottom half of the original photo, showing Mr. Vandeweghe in all his glory.
Vandeweghe also calls upon some of his longtime NBA cronies for some scintillating guest appearances, including Isiah Thomas on the 12-minute epic “Let Me Bust Your Salary Cap (Luxury Tax)”, a seedy double entendre that builds steam over a chorus of boos, screams and women panting.
Here’s a look at the scintilating track list:
1. Nothin’ But Nylon (Your Panties Better Be…)
2. Let Me Give You a Vande-wedgie
3. Won’t You Feel My Denver Nuggets?
4. I Won’t Play Any D, Baby
5. Don’t Tskitishvili Me
6. So You Know I Scored the Most Points in the Highest Scoring NBA Game of All-Time, Right?
7. Let Me Bust Your Salary Cap (Luxury Tax)
8. How High’s Your Vertical? My Wang Wants to Know…
9. Don’t Be Afraid of My Finger Roll
10. If You Want, I Can Dunk
11. Unconventional 3-point Play
12. I May Not Draft You, But I’ll Give You a Private Workout