Ed Hochuli

Ed Hochuli

I am: Part centaur

Seeking: A full-blown centaur

Interested in: Weights, bodybuilding, female bodybuilders, sex with weights

Location: GNC stock room

Occupation: House thrower, part-time ref, full-time hard-ass

Ethnicity: Immortal

Religion: Joe Wieder

Star Sign: 100-pound plates

Relationship Status: Single and hungry as hell

Have Children: I gave birth to an Altered Beast once

Want Children: Only as worthy sparring partners

My Goods:

Height: 6'2"

Weight: 230

Hair: I dont know

Eyes: Can see through you

My Habits:

Cigarettes: Only after bench-pressing my dates

Booze: Does motor oil count?

Drugs: Just a few horse tranquilizers every night to get some z's...

Self Love: You bet, I'm a pristine sculpture

Your Goods:

Height: Tall enough to bench

Weight: Short enough to curl

Hair: A mane or head of snakes will do

Eye color: Not necessary

Want Children: You won't have much of a choice

Drugs: If you take testosterone, double it with estrogen supplement - I am firm on this

Your Habits:

Cigarettes: Never

Booze: You know it..

Drugs: If it helps you to keep up with me - knock yourself out

Self love: Don't even think about it

Other:

Last great book I read: NFL Rule Book and Bowflex instructions

Most humbling moment: Not being able to bench press Giants Stadium

Favorite on-screen sex scene: Anything from "Stone Cold" with Brian Bozworth

Celebrity I resemble most: Zeus (not the wrestler, the actual god)

Song or album that puts me in the mood: Anything by Lita Ford or Joan Jett

5 items I can't live without:
-My stadium ref microphone for my house
-MayoPlex Big Gulps
-bark
-whistle
-handcuffs

If I could be anywhere right now: Fraggle Rock

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JVGthonglvr64

I am: A legend

Seeking: Anything

Interested in: Lover, battleship parter, taking it to the limit

Location: The danger zone

Occupation: Honda civic pace car driver/ NBA Offense Killer

Ethnicity: Pale

Religion: Slowness

Star Sign: I dont believe in that shit

Relationship Status: Married, but looking - was seeing Matt Bullard

Have Children: Talk to my lawyers

Want Children: Get fucked

My Goods:

Height: 48"

Weight: slightly heavier than mist

Hair: not existent, frizzy combover, ring shaped

Eyes: bloodshot , creepy racoon

My Habits:

Cigarettes: Only when I'm logged on or watching the Survivor finale

Booze: Only on Spring Break

Drugs: Religiously

Self Love: Playoff pending

Your Goods:

Height: 6'2

Weight: Thick

Hair: Extended

Eye color: Mystical

Your Habits:

Cigarettes: Never

Booze: You know it..

Drugs: If it helps you to keep up with me - knock yourself out

Self love: Don't even think about it

Other:

Last great book I read: Instructions to my new Casio

Most humbling moment: Showers with Mutombo

Favorite on-screen sex scene: Anything with Paul Giamatti

Celebrity I resemble most: Paul Bearer of the WWE but I've been told I look like a smaller version of Vince Vaughn

Song or album that puts me in the mood: "Maneater", anything by Gwar

5 items I can't live without:
-Diet Coke
-Mascara (eye shadow)
-Mold of Alonzo Mourning's leg
-Honda Civics (models, actual cars, paintings, sketches, pictures)
-Jock Jams 7

If I could be anywhere right now:
Getting freaky on Ibiza or in the Big Brother household