(BRISTOL, CONN) — Kansas City Chiefs message board regular Neil Boninghouse (aka “ChiefsRule86″) believes its only a matter of time before ESPN execs recognize his awesome sports knowledge and glorious writing skills and make him a regular columnist on ESPN.com, the world-wide leader in douchebags.
Despite writing the majority of his commentary naked in his parents basement between furious masturbation sessions to “BangBus.com” trailers, ChiefsRule86 provides an insightful, while altogether unique voice, especially when he routinely dishes out his trademark zinger “Trent Green RULES!”, a real treat for those lucky enough to be on the board at the same time. It’s insightful, witty commentary like that which has no doubt raised a few eyebrows in Bristol.
During a recent heated discussion on the Kansas City message board about the future of Trent Green, ChiefsRule86 dropped this truth bomb: “All I know is, the Chiefs better know what they’re doing if they release or trade Trent Green. They could be in real trouble if they don’t have another QB ready. They should trade Eddie Kennison for Drew Brees or something. Thank god Larry Johnson RULES.”
That mind-blowing declaration sent shockwaves throughout Kansas City and the Chiefs front offices, and left NFL gurus like John Clayton and Chris Mortenson shaking their heads in awe.
But it’s not just the big boys at Bristol who are impressed with Boninghouse. His fellow message board writers have a deep respect for him, constantly showing their approval of his commentary with thumbs up symbols, enthusiastic happy face emoticons and the occasional flash-loop of a storm trooper humping the air over and over again, the highest of honors.
“I swear, Boninghouse must eat sports almanacs sprinkled with milk of magnesia” says Paul Beaverham (aka—”RamsSuck83″) “because he can just throw up these 50,000 word rants ad nauseum. It’s awesome.”
Not to be outdone, message board newcomer and bitter rival “ChiefsDefinitelyRule84″ has displayed sure talent, clearly evidenced in his recent post “Herm Edwards needs to coach better”, a stunning departure from ChiefsRule86′s theory that “Herm Edwards kicks serious ass.”
Only time will tell who will get their hands on ChiefsRule86′s brilliant football mind first, ESPN or the Chiefs themselves.