All-American University of Florida quarterback Tim Tebow admitted yesterday that he is in fact a virgin, rendering the normally chatty batch of reporters on hand utterly fucking speechless.
After regaining consciousness, one particularly flummoxed reporter complained, “I mean, this guy should be dripping with vag. I don’t care if he has to sit out a few games for wang or herpes-related injuries, he’s at Florida for chrissake, not North Dakota State! I’ll confess, I get a Teboner just thinking about all the girls he could plow.”
While others find the young QB’s patience and virtue commendable, some physiologists have warned that whoever Tebow chooses to marry could face an eruption the likes of which the world hasn’t seen since Krakatoa. “Think Peter North in Bankok after taking a vitamin B shot…multiplied by 1,000″ warned one expert.
“That scene in Scary Movie will look like a faulty park water fountain compared to Tebow’s pending Old-Faithful-on-steroids eruption.” said another concerned physiologist. “Like dropping a ton of Mentos into a 30-gallon bottle of Coca-Cola.”
And while some laud Tebow’s religious convictions, not everyone is impressed.
“Listen to me and listen to me good: It ain’t fuckin worth it,” a clearly irate A.C. Green said.