Tim Tebow: Part Jedi, Part Monk, ALL IDIOT
All-American University of Florida quarterback Tim Tebow admitted yesterday that he is in fact a virgin, rendering the normally chatty batch of reporters on hand utterly fucking speechless.
After regaining consciousness, one particularly flummoxed reporter complained, “I mean, this guy should be dripping with vag. I don’t care if he has to sit out a few games for wang or herpes-related injuries, he’s at Florida for chrissake, not North Dakota State! I’ll confess, I get a Teboner just thinking about all the girls he could plow.”
While others find the young QB’s patience and virtue commendable, some physiologists have warned that whoever Tebow chooses to marry could face an eruption the likes of which the world hasn’t seen since Krakatoa. “Think Peter North in Bankok after taking a vitamin B shot…multiplied by 1,000″ warned one expert.
“That scene in Scary Movie will look like a faulty park water fountain compared to Tebow’s pending Old-Faithful-on-steroids eruption.” said another concerned physiologist. “Like dropping a ton of Mentos into a 30-gallon bottle of Coca-Cola.”
And while some laud Tebow’s religious convictions, not everyone is impressed.
“Listen to me and listen to me good: It ain’t fuckin worth it,” a clearly irate A.C. Green said.
Tebow isn’t a virgin… anybody he believes that is just as dumb as he is. And for every Florida fan, he isn’t god. He will fail in the NFL, due to his lack of the ability to throw the ball and lack of speed. Herschel Walker earned his TDs, Tebow fell in from the one yard line.
How could you live in Florida and still be a virgin. If you are what’s left of the Golden Girls will snap you up.
AVERY has been WWE Summerslam 2011 Live Stream his ice hockey team, because of comments he made about the star
He’s not a virgin, he’s gay. He uses his religious devotion to shield his sexuality.
Hello?