The NBA season is upon us, and I am geared up. Who is with me? Another season of thrilling basketball, of high scoring 80 point games and news on the winning personalities of NBA players, but first I would like to say, how should I put this, FUCK YOU to the following:
Atlanta Hawks: Fuck You and your awful franchise, it pains me to think that the greatest in game dunker of all time is linked to your piss poor franchise. Get your fucking shit together and put a team on the floor that is worth a damn, I mean there are like 30 fans in Atlanta that pay to see you dickbags.
Kobe Bryant: Fuck off and go play for the Real Madrid Teka, or Barcelona FC. Every god damn day with news about whether Kobe is going to play for the Lakers, who gives a shit, the Lakers are going to be shitty with or without Kobe, so get fucked and head to Europe. Look on the bright side Kobe, 16 is the legal age over there.
San Antonio Spurs: Jesus, I want them to Fuck Off already, they are the most boring team to watch. I would rather watch two friends play NBA Live on Xbox with the Bobcats and Hawks before watching a Spurs game. It would be way more exciting than seeing Tim Duncan and his fundamentally sound move into the lane, where he tries to get fouled by throwing his arms in the air. Holy fuck they suck to watch. It is embarrassing that they had to knee Nash in the balls to move onto the NBA finals. Speaking of which…
Cleveland Cavaliers: You can Fuck Off as well, thanks for being solid competition to the most boring championship series since the first title in 1947 when Chicago took on Philadelphia. Outside of game two where Cleveland topped 90 points and San Antonio topped 100, the final scores are almost identical to the 1947 title. Back then, they were playing in loafers and business suits and were not allowed to dunk and there was no three point line. Lord, you guys fucking suck, and now I have to sit through an entire year wondering if these two shitbags are going to make it to the finals again?
David Stern: Fuck You, really, just fuck off, you have traded NBA’s once great product for the all mighty dollar, there are so many reasons to hate you I can’t just pick one. A friend of mine (or a person that I know because I don’t have friends, I told them all to Fuck Off) is currently writing a book on how you fucked up the NBA, he is worried his publisher won’t go for his 8,975 page version and will have to be edited severely.
Kirk Hinrich: Fuck You, I am not completely sure why, he just seems like a dick. Oh yeah and he went to Kansas, so he has to be an unlikable dingleberry, so fuck off.
This list in no way protects other possible targets because I am sure once the season starts and idiots like Stephon Marbury and Stephen Jackson get into the full swing of the season, more Fuck You’s will follow, so for now, the above people can just get fucked, real hard.