That is right, FU you Fat Papi. I don’t give a shit about you and the MVP award you think you deserve, get fucked and pick up a glove.
You know, this is a little (very little) hard to write because Ortiz is such a fun-loving guy, a huge crowd favorite and all, but please check yourself and shut the fuck up. Don’t be a bitch and talk to the media how you should win the MVP over other candidates because your home run and RBI totals are so great. That is a bitch move, why don’t you cry about it. “Ohhhh, waaahhhhh, the voters will overlook me because I don’t play in the field, waaahhh, wahhhhh, please vote for me, waaaahhhhhhh.” Shut the fuck up.
The quote from Ortiz, that started it all.
I’ll tell you one thing," Ortiz said. "If I get 50 home runs and 10 more RBI [which would give him 137], that’s going to be a round number that no one else in the American League will have."
"But they’ll vote for a position player, use that as an excuse. They’re talking about Derek Jeter a lot, right? He’s done a great job, he’s having a great season, but Jeter is not a 40-homer hitter or an RBI guy. It doesn’t matter how much you’ve done for your ball club, the bottom line is, the guy who hits 40 home runs and knocks in 100, that’s the guy you know helped your team win games.
"Don’t get me wrong — he’s a great player, having a great season, but he’s got a lot of guys in that lineup," Ortiz continued. "Top to bottom, you’ve got a guy who can hurt you. Come hit in this lineup, see how good you can be."
You are a DH. All you do is hit – you better be fucking good at it, you better put up ridiculous numbers. “Ohhhh waahhh they are going to vote for a position player, waahhhh, look at me, wahhhhh. I am a very good hitter, I get to the plate four times a game, waahhhhh, I can run the bases at an unbelievable slow pace, waahhhhhh.” Give me a fucking break.
“I lost to A-Rod last year because he plays the field and now I might lose again, wahhhhh, I don’t like it. It is unfair that those players have to play all nine innings and wear-down as the season goes on, I mean it is tough getting off the bench four times a game to swing a bat, just ask Edgar Martinez. Why don’t the writers consider a great power hitter like me over a gold glove shortstop, wahhhhh, who hits for average, drives in runs, steals bases, hits almost .400 with runners in scoring position, I am better, look at me, waahhhhhh.”
“I don’t get to hit in Jeter’s lineup, waaahhhhh, I have to hit in front of Manny Ramirez, wahhhhhh, he is only the most feared right-handed hitter in all of baseball, wahhhhh. I wish the voters would look at me and my team that is 10.5 games out of first, waahhhhhh, please vote for me.” Bitch, cry me a fucking river.
You are a grown man, and believe me you are grown tubby, why the hell are you bitching about an MVP award in September? This is inexcusable. It is a team sport and you are running your yap about an individual award. Are you waiving a white flag? I am sure your teammates are really happy that you are so concerned about winning the MVP and not the wild card.
Get fucked and shut your hole and leave the MVP voting to the writers.