The Sports Hernia

Part 1:

Pssst, hey, Dickie, come here, I have got something to tell you — Fuck You, you bald headed, one-eyed jerk off.  I got a trifecta for you, Fuck You, Fuck You and FUCK YOU!

Duke Vitale

I was really torn on writing about this unbelievable jackass because he is such an easy target and so many people have already ripped him.  However, I thought about my childhood when I first heard Duke Vitale call a game. I remember I was excited that there was someone outside of Bill Rafferty that got so energized about the game.  Vitale used new lingo I had never heard before like “trifecta” and “diaper dandy”. Well, that was 15 fucking years ago Dick, wake the fuck up, get some new shit you ass burglar.

Duke Vitale has been spanking his monkey on TV for too long, it is time we all tell him fuck you, get some new material and maybe we’ll start watching games with the SAP button turned off.

Dukie, I mean Dickie, we get it, you love Duke, you love Coach K, you love Reddick, you love UNC, you love Bob Knight, you love diaper dandies, you love college kids, you love ramming Shane Battier’s used jock strap up your ass — we understand this.  You have an undying love for the game and everyone in it, but why don’t you stop talking about how much you love everything and comparing players to people of other sports and actors and actually tell me something about the game you are watching.  Would it kill you to tell me about the current play and not that this kid was raised by just his mom, and his brother is fighting cancer, his father was a hero in the Civil War and his distant cousin was Aristotle.  I don’t give a shit how “special” this kid is; tell me about his fucking shooting percentage from behind the arc, you pretentious fucknut.

If I want to know that Reddick took 800 three pointers the morning of every game while you were in the nose bleed section, stirring in the dark yanking your Blue Devils painted wang, I will seek that information out on your blog.  Give me something I can use while I am watching the game.  If I hear you talk about the SAT scores of the students watching the games I am going to fucking puke and light my pubes on fire.  This is not news to me that all the privileged rich kids that go to Duke have high SAT scores and a penchant for rape, I get it, they are smart and cheering on a bunch of kids that don’t have the same SAT scores.

Vitale, I have sent you something in the mail, it is one-way plane ticket to a little place I like to call, “Get Fucked’ville”. You will be amongst friends and I am making you the honorary Mayor.  Please take this opportunity to live out your life away from us all in this special town so the rest of America can start watching college hoops again with out being on suicide watch. Thank you and FUCK YOU.

Part II coming soon….