The Sports Hernia

Jack Wayne Sikma

Sikma in all his glory.

Height: 6’ 11" (7’2” in Milwaukee with killer flat-top)

Weight: 230lbs. of man-steel

Hair: Glorious

Teams: Sonics, Bucks

Stats: This category should be re-named style – Jack defined it.

Sikma, whose retired jersey hangs in the Seattle rafters and is on display in the Hernia ring of heroes, scored 17,287 points and grabbed 10,816 during his storied NBA journey. More importantly, he effortlessly grabbed more ass throughout his career than suave archrival Kurt Rambis. Walked to the beat of his own drum and truly put the perm on the map before Hubie Brown, who many mistakenly give credit to for the overwhelming perm craze of the late 70’s/early 80’s.

Career changing moment: Once the perm disappeared, so did his imposing presence in paint.

Strange But True: In his 1st home game with the Bucks, Sikma was responsible for burning the cornea of several people in the first row as he tore off his warm-up pants, revealing the most ungodly, pasty white legs to date (later trumped by Shawn Bradley’s offensive, snow-stick legs).

Comparable athlete in different sport: Darren Daulton, Jake Taylor 

Career highlights:

• 1st player to receive no look pass from combover of Milwaukee’s ridiculous player/coach Mike Dunleavy.
• Member of the original "Pussy Posse" (founded with Fred Roberts & Brad Lohaus).
• Responsible for inspiring successful string of Perm-themed men’s salons.
• Once allowed friendly family of birds to nest in his curly blond locks for entire season.

Career lowlights:

• 1st player to be violently dunked on 7 times in one quarter (Darryl Dawkins 6, Julius Erving 1).
• Signs with Bucks; abruptly switches to "unbalanced state trooper/ serial killer flat-top" look to mesh with diverse Milwaukee crowd.
• Formed short-lived, mildly successful musical duo with Gary Carter known as ”Permfection”.
• Routinely mistaken for star of television smash hit “The Greatest American Hero”.

Interesting life facts:

• Following a hazy late-night championship celebration with the 1979 Sonics, Sikma’s Buick crashed directly into a telephone pole, amazingly leaving the 6’11" Adonis without a scratch. Apparently, his cushiony, defiant blond Perm absorbed the bulk of the impact while each hair on the glorious mop somehow remained in its original place.
• Upon becoming a member of the Bucks, prankster teammates decided to glue a pair of antlers to Sikma’s head while he was napping in the locker after a long fight from Seattle.  Unfortunately, Alvin Robertson used super glue and the antlers remained stuck to his head, forcing him to where them for an entire west coast trip. This is what many say contributed to the introduction of the flagrant foul rule, as Sikma did not change his style in the paint, and aggressively used the antlers to his advantage.