Hey Vick, FU
Hey Vick, Fuck YOU!!!!!!!
Hi Michael (or Mike, or whatever the fuck you want to be called) welcome back to society. I would like to welcome you back with a big FUCK YOU!
Bizarre Countdown segment turns into rally cry for Favre Playgirl shoot
The ESPN Countdown crew, led by the shameful boozebag Chris Berman and a collection of jock-sweaters, took their Favre mancrush to a new level during Sunday’s broadcast. Berman, accompanied by an especially retarded-acting Stuart Scott, opened the show in unusual fashion.
Dressed in French maid outfits, the two poster boys of hell, along with Chris Mortensen and Ron Jaworski, began taking turns dancing and fondling a grotesquely stained life-size cardboard cutout of Brett Favre, while highlights of the beloved quarterback ran on the flat screen in the background.
ESPN message board regular “ChiefsRule86″ pretty sure he’ll get his own column soon
(BRISTOL, CONN) — Kansas City Chiefs message board regular Neil Boninghouse (aka “ChiefsRule86″) believes its only a matter of time before ESPN execs recognize his awesome sports knowledge and glorious writing skills and make him a regular columnist on ESPN.com, the world-wide leader in douchebags.
Despite writing the majority of his commentary naked in his parents basement between furious masturbation sessions to “BangBus.com” trailers, ChiefsRule86 provides an insightful, while altogether unique voice, especially when he routinely dishes out his trademark zinger “Trent Green RULES!”, a real treat for those lucky enough to be on the board at the same time. It’s insightful, witty commentary like that which has no doubt raised a few eyebrows in Bristol.
ESPN enters Day 4 of 2,201-hour Super Bowl pregame show
ESPN analysts say, "there has to be a Super Bowl here sometime soon."
Despite not having a Super Bowl representative from the AFC or NFC determined, ESPN’s Chris Berman and the network’s countless courageous football analysts trudged through Day 4 of their 2,201-hour Super Bowl pregame special in Miami, Florida.
Each stooge has been super glued to their stadium outpost guaranteeing that they cover almost every single thing that happens in and around the stadium until the yet to be announced kick-off time, set to take place a little less than two months from this coming Sunday. Given the show’s unusual length, the network has stopped at nothing to ensure talent remains fresh throughout the dread-cast.
Chris "I make Patrick Ewing look dry" Berman has been supplied with an endless array of tacky bright suits that, at his request, have been deep-fried instead of dry-cleaned. Also, since he can only be seen from the waist up, his feet have been soaking in a giant bucket of blue cheese to provide extra comfort. Countdown cohort Tom Jackson has been successfully aided by a large spit-bowl said to be 9 times the size of the standard spit-bowl used by former Heavyweight boxer, George Forman. The other notable and most dramatic wardrobe change so far has been for Steve Young, who has galloped onto the set atop a giant white horse to give his hourly quarterback analysis. Michael Irvin, the bouncy, high-spirited, peppy analyst has surprisingly been the least needy of the crew, with his only request being that his on-set barber tidy up the nearly flawless lines on the side of his head every 16 hours.